and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
