I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
