How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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