I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
