YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
