just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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