My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize