i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ugly people sure do ruin things
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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