Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
