laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize