ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Bring me that man meat
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
