if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Someone shattered a urinal.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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