Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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