i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
