He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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