I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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