We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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