'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
