I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
