So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
