Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize