I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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