I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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