there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
