I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
