This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
