Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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