well I can't set my house on fire every night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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