In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
