i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
