Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
