There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
