Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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