Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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