dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
