listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
