i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
