somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
