You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
