On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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