...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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