So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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