Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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