Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
