Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
