I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
