YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
