i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
