i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
