oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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