if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize