I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
