I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
