But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
