I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize