I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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