I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
