i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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