Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Holy shit dude........stairs
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