i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
