I skipped work to stalk him.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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