i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
