Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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