is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
