there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize