i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
