She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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