hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize