Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
