Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
