I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you traded sex for a burrito?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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