I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
