Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
