HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
